Happy Birthday סבתא


Happy Birthday

We all need protein you see,
It’s good for you, it’s good for me,
To us, it comes in frozen bags,
Cleaned, and cut and free of bugs.
We don’t touch it if its sticky,
Not everyone can be so picky.
If protein supplies are low,
They eat it all from tip to toe.
Throat and tongue, the hoofs and spleen,
It matters little if it’s clean.
In such a market far in Hunan
A virus transferred to a human.
From the morass in a bat’s ass
It upgraded to business class
What started as a local epic,
Would fast become a world pandemic.

On January the twenty-first
Emerged the first US Corona Case.
“We’ve blocked air travel,” they declared,
But failed to mention who was spared,
So all abroad cut short their trips,
Crammed into planes without free seats,
Some were coughing, others sneezing,
Here and there, someone was wheezing.
Thousands crammed arrival halls,
Customs barely moved at all.
“It will not spread, it is contained”
Assured our lying president.
“Cruise ships quarantined,” and hence
“We’re safe on land,” thus spoke Mike Pence.

By February, it was onshore,
They could not stop it anymore,
First the west coast, then Chicago,
To New York. to all five boroughs.
It was time to build stockpiles,
Off we went to Costco’s isles,
Filled a cart with rice and legumes,
garbanzo, flour, oil, and sorghum.
Toiletpaper? Don’t be shy.
We should always use two-ply.
Covid spread to Pennsylvania,
Newsome locked down California.
Sheltered in place, and not too soon,
Zoom became our living room.

In March we had some food brought in,
But the rations were too thin,
Two potatoes, sagging carrots,
Not enough to feed two parrots.
Bright and early on your toes
You were first at Trader Joe’s.
Hand sanitizer at the door,
Must wear a mask when in the store.
Asparagus, Brussel sprouts,
Were worth the risk without a doubt.

Passover showed up in April,
But our savior couldn’t make it.
The seder seemed more like detention,
We rushed the plagues and the four questions.
Gefiltefish and kneidlach,
“We have to see the kinderlach,”
Why not reverse the exodus,
And have the family come to us?”
June began the family travels.
First the girls and then their Momma.
Suma pushed and out came Maya,
The girls camped at the JCC,
Ami spent time with Shani,
Itamar kept most his poise,
When Ami snatched away some toys,
Tintin came, it was real cool.
Afternoons all by the pool,
Just to wrap up כתה ג,
They climbed rocks with Hayim Kimel
Two months like a jubilee,
Celebrating virus free.

August came, Yeela flew back,
Osmo came to pick up slack.
September was a time for changes,
Place some bets and make investments,
Since museums were still closed,
Buy some art to fill the walls,
Starting with Aliza’s painting,
With new lighting in the ceiling.
Are there more portraits that you’ll get?
Anna did not paint them yet.
Students dialed back in September,
Distinguishing number and gender.
October’s bad for spending sprees
So shop the neighbor’s lemon trees.
Pick all you want, just don’t get caught,
We need you here to mail your vote.

November came and turned a corner.
Insanity will not last much longer.
The crisis isn’t over yet,
But there is much to celebrate,
In retrospect, it was a test,
Showing us what you do best,
You carried us through this strange year,
From near and far we hold you dear.
We hope you travel, come next year.

A Tale of Light and Darkness

…and there was a thick darkness in all the land וַיְהִי חֹשֶׁךְ-אֲפֵלָה בְּכָל-אֶרֶץ קליפורניה

Stanford September 9 at 11:00 AM

And Imma said: ‘Let there be lights in rooms to divide the day from the night’ יְהִי מְאֹרֹת בִּתיקרה, לְהַבְדִּיל, בֵּין הַיּוֹם וּבֵין הַלָּיְלָה וַיְהִי-כֵן


 

And so it was

Dr Seuss on Corona

The two of us are in our house
My wife and I, me and my spouse
The dawns and dusks are so romantic
But the mood is much too frantic
We stay apart; we can’t come near
Until the virus disappears.

We are mature; we are not callow
There are instructions we must follow
We ordered masks from Israel
To walk the streets of Sunnyvale
We social distance as we hike
We do not want the graph to spike.

We check our Covid every day
We drink a mix of greens and hay
‘It tastes like bile,’ I used to say
She’d hand it to me anyway
‘But I cannot get used to Kale; it’s absolutely terrible!’
‘If you can taste it – you are well.’

By now, there is a better test
It’s based on smell – it is the best
It is the smell of baking bread
I can chew it without dread
‘How come we didn’t think of this before?’
‘Look at the scale, you’ll ask no more.’

The scale presents objective measures
It holds its ground when under pressure
The scale keeps track of every slice
It’s digital, and it’s precise
I have put on a curve of lard
to flatten it will be quite hard.

There is a pool across the fence
at our daughter’s residence.
‘It has no heater; it is cold; 
I’m not that bold; I’m much too old.’
I sway in prayer, but alas –
Our Lord, don’t do the same trick twice.

It’s no surprise that I can float

I have had two months to bloat
I pull and kick and breathe and all
I hope to make it to the wall 
Yet when I get there, I feel strong
Thank God the pool is only eight yards long.